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The Anals of Stock Proctology 
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American Society of Short Sellers Examination

Stepan N. Stool, PH &D

Dr. Stepan N. Stool, stock proctologist, and publisher of Capitalstool.com invites committed bears to join the American Society of Short Sellers. (ASS) 

Investment professionals and non-professionals alike may become members of the ASS. Simply take the market bear ASS exam below, and request your certificate signed by the ASS Director, Dr. Stepan N. Stool, PH&D. By showing your expertise in short selling you can receive your professional designation from the ASS Institute.

That's right ladies and gentlemen you can now add a prestigious new designation to your business card -

CRASS

Certified Representative of the American Short Sellers Society. 

Exam Questions

1. When you see an analyst on CNBC who recommends a stock, you should:

a. Buy the stock immediately.
b. Do nothing
c. Sell the stock 
d. Sell the stock short

2. Alan Greenspan is widely regarded as having enormous power over the markets. In 1996 he said the markets were irrationally exuberant. What happened after that?

a. Naturally stocks came back down to reasonable valuations
b. The greatest bull run in history.

3. As a result of Greenspan's statement, what did you do?

a. Uh, I sold everything.
b. Uh, I sold short.
c. Who's Alan Greenspan?

4. In November 2000 Greenspan told investors not to worry, the Fed was keeping an eye on the slowing economy. Your reaction was.

a. I doubled down.
b. I sold my entire portfolio.
c. I sold short.
d. I held my shorts.

5. When Joe Battipaglia, Ralph Acampora, or Abby Joseph Cohen appear on CNBC, you:

a. Listen intently and follow their recommendations
b. Turn off the TV and go have lunch.
c. The only analyst who knows what he's talking about is Alfred E. Newman.

6. The greatest stock market analyst in the world is:

a. David Tice
b. Steve Leuthold
c. Bill Fleckenstein
d. Dr. Stool
e. Yourself

7. In 1999, a seminar huckster named Wade Cook was hyping his book Bear Market Baloney. You:

a. bought the book and took the seminar.
b. Ha Ha Ha Ha Haaa

8. You shorted Yahoo at $________.

9. In: 

a. 1999
b. 2000

10. During the 1991-2000 bull market you were:

a. Long most of the time and made money
b. Long most of the time and lost money.
c. Short most of the time and got your ASS handed to you
d. Short most of the time but did not get your ASS handed to you.

If you answered a. to question 10, you have reached this web page in error, please use your browser's back button. 

If you answered b. you are a typical investor. Sorry, not eligible. 

If you answered c. you already had your ASS handed to you. Click here to receive your certificate. 

If you answered d. you can become an officer.

To print your certificate, suitable for framing, click here and print from your browser. Makes a great holiday gift for your fellow bear ASS members.